Imagine living in a world where life’s harsh realities continually suffocate your dreams, while the person who should show you love becomes one who breaks your spirit.
This was Kafilat Akinwumi’s reality—a young lady who dared to dream big but found herself entangled in a mesh of domestic violence, abandonment, and single parenthood. Yet, against all odds, she trudged on, as narrated to SONIA OKERE
My name is Kafilat Akinwumi, and I hail from Ogun State. I spent most of my formative years in Lagos but later moved over to Kano to further my education. I was a student at the School of Nursing and Midwifery in Kano. Back then, our holidays were usually very short, so I couldn’t visit Lagos frequently. There was a time I travelled to Kaduna to spend the holidays with my aunt and it was during that visit that I met a man who later became a part of my life’s journey.
He was a devoted Muslim and was married. However, he wanted me to become his second wife. Since I was naive, I agreed and we did an Islamic wedding.
Polygamy is a common practice in Islam, so, I felt we would blend as a family. However, I was wrong! The rivalry and tension between his two households tore us apart, and I realised that sharing a husband came with a price I wasn’t willing to pay.
Polygamy is a common practice in Islam and I felt we would blend as a family. However, I was wrong
He was based in Kaduna with his family and often visited me in Kano, where I was schooling. During the period he was with me, I noticed that he had trust issues. So, he suggested that I should transfer to another school in Minna. Back then, I was already in my third year and when I made inquiries, I was told that transfer students often repeat Year II. So, I rejected the idea, and that infuriated him.
He called me stubborn and all kinds of demeaning names. Suddenly, he stopped sending money for my upkeep and even refused to pay for my professional examinations. As if that wasn’t enough, he started beating me up over flimsy matters.
While I was pregnant, there was a day he slapped me on the face, and as a result of that, I had a headache for two weeks. When he punched me during a subsequent incident, I knew with absolute certainty that I had made a terrible mistake by marrying him. As time went by, I tried talking to him about his anger issues, but he refused to change.
The abandonment
I was still pregnant when my ex-husband stopped visiting, and he also stopped sending money for my upkeep. I had a tough time during my pregnancy, with some health issues that made it more difficult than usual. I was far away from my family members, and the man I married wasn’t also there to support me. So, that period was very challenging.
While I was pregnant, he slapped me on the face, and I had a headache for two weeks
On the day of delivery, I experienced a prolonged labour, but my husband didn’t show up despite my repeated calls. Thankfully, my course mates stepped in and helped deliver my baby. I’m grateful for their support and that of my friends who provided essentials like food, baby clothes, and diapers.
Caring for an infant while attending school was a challenging feat. There were times I struggled with depression and felt like giving up on my studies. Thankfully, my sister’s encouragement and motivation helped me persevere. So, I worked harder until I completed my education successfully.
The divorce
My (now) ex-husband once told me that I wouldn’t practice as a nurse. He expected me to be a housewife. So, just before my graduation, I told him I wanted a divorce. He was shocked and started making false promises to me. His mother even intervened and attempted to dissuade me from the decision, but my mind was made up. I was the one wearing the shoes and I knew how painful it was.
On the day of delivery, I experienced a prolonged labour, but my husband didn’t show up despite my repeated calls.
Even after the divorce, my ex-husband failed to provide support or even check in on our daughter. So, I continued struggling as a single parent. There were days we had no food to eat. I would cry all night. I started charging N200 for consultations and was also doing other petty businesses to survive.
Thankfully, with time, perseverance, and faith, Allah started opening doors of opportunity for me. I got my nursing license and a government job. Thankfully, since then, Allah has been providing my needs.
The struggles of single parenting
Everyone knows that nurses often work long hours, including night shifts, weekends, and holidays, to provide essential care to patients. As a single mother, the workload was overwhelming; so, a time came when I sent my daughter to stay with my family members.
I see women give up on their dreams in the name of marriage and later regret it. Don’t make that mistake
Over the years, my focus has been on my career. So, I have been working, studying, and getting all the necessary licenses. I have been a single mother for over 10 years.
Regarding relationships, someone once said I wouldn’t find another man who would love me and my daughter. Honestly, if I wanted to rush into another marriage, I would have. However, I am just waiting for the right time, which only Allah knows.
Life’s journey can be very challenging, but I’ve come to realise that Allah gives His most formidable battles to His most resilient warriors.
I have seen women who gave up on their dreams in the name of marriage and regretted it later on. So, don’t make that mistake. Invest in yourself, educate yourself, and keep pushing forward, even when the road ahead seems uncertain. You are stronger than you think, and your success will be the light that shines through the darkness.
For those facing domestic violence, remember that your life is precious and worthy of love, respect, and kindness. So, don’t hesitate to seek help and support.
