Have you ever come across a post on social media that just makes you laugh hysterically and subsequently makes your day?
Some social media posts just make you mutter under your breath: ‘How do people even think up these things?’
As an ardent social media user, this is nearly always a daily experience for me. This is why I thought to bring you five of the most amusing ones of the lot. I hope they make your day as they did mine.
Every male’s biggest fear
When you see someone start a sentence with ‘Every male’s biggest fear is…” your brain automatically starts to think ahead, like, “what could that be?”
“Could it be the Lions?”
“ Dare-devil Armed robbers?”
“Grimy, Grizzly Goblins?”
“A flaccid penis on a wedding night?”
“A flat tyre on your way back from the club alone, by 3 am on the third mainland bridge?”
You start to wonder, only for him to complete the sentence with “…is trying a new barber.’
This might sound a little disappointing at first but when you think it over again, it makes a whole lot of sense. Most males are more faithful to their hairstylists than the matrimonial creed oath they took in front of the Almighty.
The years of trust it took to build an understanding with the barber is one that no man wants to start all over again.
I guess the fear of getting home to your mirror and finding out that your rear hairline curves harder than a freekick from Lionel Messi is a risk no man wants to take eh?
Crop rotation in marriage
I know you must be thinking “whatever does crop rotation has to do with the choice of a life partner?’.
Just holup…holup… wait for it. So, this post goes:
“Bro, if you can’t marry the girl you spoiled, sure you will marry the one another guy spoiled. It’s called crop rotation in agriculture”
Absolute doomsday for those mischievous set of boys who think they can settle down for some untainted, unsullied Angel after they’ve spent their youth boring more holes than the Lagos State Water Cooperation and ruining lives.
Quick reminder, karma is real! And what you sow you will surely reap, says the law of the universe.
So, I guess it’s time to start sowing good seeds if you want a favorable harvest.
Who cheats the most —men or women?
So, the Nigerian Socrates attempts to put an end to this ever-unending social media debate by coming at it through this angle. He says:
“Most times, women meet their future husbands while they are in a relationship. And men meet their soul mates after marriage.”
While this post generated quite a fuss in its comment section, with several men disagreeing with the last sentence, we all know that there just could be some degree of truth in it. The recent randy escapades of some men that have broken the internet in recent times also don’t exactly cover the male gender in glory.
How many times have we heard stories of married men hitting on ladies brazenly, even with their wedding rings on their fingers? And when they are asked “Are you married?’ they reply with ridiculous answers like:
“Errmmm… somehow” No, be Juju be dat?
“It’s complicated” Awwwnn, sorry o. Mr. Algebra Marriage
And of course, their favorite go-to line: “Errrmmm yes, but I don’t love her, I wish I’d met you earlier. I made a mistake…”
LmaoooOo. Na Dem!
Nigerian women, on the other hand, might come across as selfish with their practice of deceiving and keeping multiple men in relationships during the courting stage.
They do this in a bid to get the most expedient option, most times financially speaking. This is why you’ll check a typical Nigerian lady’s phonebook and you’ll be amused to see some of the most bizarre contacts stored in it: names like “Mr. House rent”, “Brother Airtime”, “Baba Peruvian hair”.
Think you are all that and your girlfriend is truly in love with you?
Take a sneak peek at her contact list and you just might be saved as “Mr. Shawarma” or “Oga Suya”…
Adulthood palaver
A popular afro beats song goes “adulthood na scam”. Growing up as a kid back in the day, we all wanted to become an adult so badly, so that we can get to make our decisions and live our lives without anyone questioning us.
Now that we are all grown up and we’ve seen how difficult adulthood is, don’t we all wish we can go back to become kids again, ever happy and free?
The ever-unending bills and responsibilities constantly breathing down your neck are enough to make one go crazy. Solomon Abraham captured it perfectly in his hilarious, yet so apt post when he said:
“When you start paying your bills, you will understand why your father used to sit outside the house in the evening”
National Weight Loss Programme (NWLP)
From queuing for fuel at the filling stations to jostling for cash at the ATM points, to standing long hours in the sun for PVC, the past couple of months have been a daunting one for Nigerians.
The struggle has been so real that it is near impossible to see a chubby Nigerian anymore. Any voluptuous Nigerian you see around you now is either an expatriate or an alien.
I guess we were all Ayo. Y. Makinde when he said:
“I don open another hole for my belt again this week, all is well”:
quite funny, yet so thought-provoking.
Conclusion
So, those are the five social media posts that caught my eye this week. While some are just plain hilarious, others would have you deep in thought: scroll down to view the screenshots.
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