“How can I help my teen when s/he won’t talk to me?” This is a common question for parents of teenagers.
When your child is shutting you out, knowing how to support him/her effectively can be very challenging.
Having to deal with your child’s stress, however, gets more complicated as his/her identity and independence develop. This is because as teenagers strive for independence, communication barriers can and does arise.
Who is a teenager?
Merriam Webster defines a teenager as someone who is between 13 and 19 years old.
Mayo Clinic medical editors have identified ways to support teens as they navigate middle and high school. Mayo Clinic is the largest integrated, not-for-profit medical group practice in the world.
Model healthy habits
Teens today are as stressed as adults, and research has shown that many do not know how to manage that stress. So, it is essential for you to be a model for self-care with regular exercise, good sleep habits, healthy eating, and time off work. Your teen, seeing you do all of these, will more likely make the same choices.
Understand your teen’s stress
When your teen starts exhibiting signs of irritability, procrastination, neglecting responsibilities like homework or chores, or withdrawing from social interactions, it’s easy to feel concerned or frustrated. However, before jumping to conclusions or reacting hastily, it’s essential to delve deeper into understanding the underlying causes behind their behavior.
Firstly, identify potential stressors, that is, take some time to reflect on recent events or changes in your teen’s life that could be contributing to their behavior. This could include academic pressure, social challenges, family conflicts, or personal issues. Understanding the specific stressors your teen is facing can help you address their needs more effectively.
Secondly, consider developmental factors, knowing that your teen may be grappling with issues related to identity, self-esteem, peer relationships, academic expectations, or future goals. These developmental challenges can manifest as stress and affect their behavior.
Thirdly, recognize individual differences, as every teen is unique. What may be stressful for one teen might not bother another. Factors such as personality, temperament, past experiences, and coping mechanisms all play a role in how your teen responds to stressors. So, avoid comparing your teen to others or dismissing their concerns based on your own perceptions.
Before offering advice, listen: When teens find their experiences and feelings hard to express, they need open, nonjudgmental communication modeled by their parent. Your first impulse might be advice mode. Instead, take a step back. So, open lines of communication by encouraging your teen to express their thoughts and feelings openly, without fear of judgment or criticism.
Let your teen know that you’re there to listen and support him/her through difficult times. Creating a safe and trusting environment can make it easier for your teen to confide in you about their worries and struggles.
Once you have a better understanding of the stressors affecting your teen, work together to brainstorm coping strategies and solutions. This might involve helping them develop time management skills, seeking academic support, fostering healthy social connections, or accessing professional help if needed.
Be a stress coach: Research has shown that teenagers can improve how they handle stress. One helpful suggestion is to encourage your teen to practice mindfulness. For example, when they feel stressed, they can take a deep breath, focus on the present moment, and let go of worries about the future.
Watch for distress. If your child appears agitated or in a depressed mood for more than a few days and it’s interfering with important activities in life, consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist who specializes in working with teenagers.
Conclusion
By respecting your teen’s need for independence while also providing a supportive and understanding presence, you can help create an environment where they feel comfortable opening up to you when they are ready.
