Watch some people eat around you and you wonder what propels them! Some throw caution to the wind. Some eat like there are no mores checking their habit!
Yes, there are no legal frameworks binding anyone, but, hey, don’t go thinking because they are not backed by law, you have the liberty to flout them at will. No, you don’t, and the street is watching!
That said, here are five of the most heinous food crimes you shouldn’t ever be caught committing!
Chewing swallow
From eba to amala, pounded yam, fufu, tuwo, and others, swallow foods are an integral part of the African feeding culture. If you are eating them, you better be doing it right.
The beauty in eating swallow is having them go straight to your mouth in smooth balls, and then down the throat, endorsed by that signature “boink” sound, which signifies its safe passage through.
Swallow foods shouldn’t be chewed! If you can’t adhere to this simple rule, then swallow foods are not for you. Go eat fried rice, noodles, pizza, or shawarma.
You’re not one of us!
Eating suya in the daytime
Barbecued beef or suya, as it is popularly called in this part of the world, is a delicacy indigenous to our brothers from the northern part of Nigeria. The major ingredients for this delicacy are beef, special spices, onions, and – most importantly – darkness.
Yes, darkness! Perhaps one of the greatest good suya has done us is the fact that it has helped instill discipline in us. This is because, no matter how bad you crave it, you have to wait till evening to get it. You can’t get it during the day.
Well, good luck finding any of the sellers around before dark, anyway. This is not because they are lazy; it’s just that they need some magic from the moonlight and some rare energy from the stars to be able to achieve that distinct suya taste.
However, it is unfortunate that there have been talks about some new breeds of Mai Suya grilling and selling during the day. Abomination!!
Words on the street, though, are that their suya don’t actually taste like the real thing.
How can they, when the essential ingredient is missing?
Eating your meat or fish before your swallow
Growing up, each kid gets served a piece of meat or fish in their plate of soup when eating eba or any type of swallow. While the usual temptation is to eat meat or fish before eating the main meal, a typical African child knows better. That might land you into big trouble or get your precious jewel confiscated by the queen of the house – your mom.
The piece of meat or fish in the soup serves two major functions:
• as a means of protein supplement to ensure you have a balanced diet
• as a motivation for you to be able to finish up your main meal.
Whenever it seems you’re getting tired and can’t go further with your food, all you have to do is look at the end prize – your meat, and soldier on!
Eating up your meat or fish before your swallow means you still have a lot to learn as regards self-discipline and patience, which reflects poorly on your upbringing.
Dunking bread in tea
One word…. Yuck!!
It irks me to the bone to see a grown adult cut loaves of bread and drop them into the tea, then scoop them into the mouth with a spoon. Like… What in the absolute ayyannmma is that, even?
Why don’t you just opt for infant cereal instead? This is because only babies are allowed to do that.
Grown folks chew their bread, and then sip some tea to wash it down. Hands up, please, if that’s how you roll.
Drinking yellow garri
Please, why should anyone even drink yellow garri? I mean, Yellow garri was made for eba, and it is absolutely perfect at that. That’s why you have the addition of palm oil to nullify the dominance of the cassava starch, making the eba texture smooth and succulent.
If you want to soak garri, you have the white ijebu garri available for that purpose — crunchy, crispy, and sour on the tongue.
The yellow garri, on the other hand, lacks that necessary sour taste due to the method of production; and also gets soggy in water quickly because it lacks that crispy texture.
So, if you want to soak garri, go for ijebu garri!
Do you want to experience mindblowing eba? Yellow garri is always there for you!!
Stop complicating life by getting it all mixed up. The street is watching!
