In this encounter with SONIA OKERE, a domestic violence survivor narrates how, faced with an abusive marriage, she chose to become a single mother, prioritizing her safety and her children’s well-being
“My name is Chinonso Ebere, and I’m from Anambra State. My story began in 2010 when I met a young man who seemed to be everything I wanted. We dated for two years, and during our courtship, I noticed some troubling red flags in his character. However, blinded by love, I convinced myself that marriage would smooth out the rough edges and everything would get better. Unfortunately, my assumptions were wrong.
It all began with verbal and emotional abuse. He would make choices that affected our family without consulting me, and anytime I offered a suggestion or voiced an opinion, he would abuse me.
My ex-husband was the kind of man who couldn’t stand the idea of his wife earning her own money
He was the kind of man who couldn’t stand the idea of his wife earning her own money. Early in our marriage, he stopped me from working. Despite his resistance, I persistently asked him to let me start a business. After constant persuasion from family and friends, he finally agreed to open a store for me.
At first, things seemed to improve. I was excited to step out of the house each day and worked hard to grow the business. But I noticed that he wasn’t happy about my newfound independence. As time went by, his discomfort grew, and as soon as I gave birth to our child, he handed the store over to his brother—without even informing me. This was the same store I had put all efforts into building. When I found out what he had done, I was deeply disappointed. That was how I ended up staying at home again.
After a while, I told him I wanted to start selling local drinks like kunu and tiger nut. At first, he refused, but after a family friend intervened and pleaded with him, he finally gave in. However, the moment that business began to show signs of success, his jealousy reared its ugly head again. He forbade me from coming to one of his shops where I was displaying my products. His excuse was that selling local drinks was condescending. Meanwhile, his real goal was clear—to keep me financially dependent on him, even when he barely gave me money to take care of my personal needs.
The suicide experience
On top of the emotional and verbal abuse, I also faced physical violence in that relationship. My ex had an explosive temper, and the smallest things could set him off, especially after a rough day at work. His drinking habit made everything worse. So, I found myself taking punches more often than I ever should have. What hurt the most was that even when he knew he was wrong, he would still twist things and somehow make me feel like it was my fault.
I felt so broken and worthless from everything he had put me through that I decided to end it all
One night, after one of our many conflicts, I reached a breaking point. It was around midnight, and I felt so broken and worthless from everything he had put me through that I decided to end it all. I drank poison. It sounds crazy, but that’s how far down I had fallen. Thankfully, I was rushed to the hospital, and with the help of the doctors, God gave me a second chance at life. I spent several days in the hospital recovering, but when I returned home, my ex showed no compassion. Instead of coming together to heal our marriage, he just kept acting like nothing had happened, and as if my pain didn’t matter.
The second near-death experience
For years, I struggled with low blood pressure, and my doctors had always told me to avoid stress, worry, and anxiety. But living with someone who didn’t care about my health made it almost impossible to follow that advice.
As I mentioned earlier, my ex would beat me up over the slightest provocation. Most times, I was rescued by neighbors. Later on, when we moved into a house he built, the abuse escalated, especially because there were no neighbors around to intervene and stop him.
his goal was to keep me financially dependent, even when he barely gave me money to take care of my needs
Now, let me tell you about how he almost killed me. On that day, we were outside the house when he hit me so hard that I passed out. He left me lying on the ground and just walked away. Thankfully, my kids came outside and saw me unconscious. They started crying, and pouring water on me to wake me up. When I finally opened my eyes, I saw him sitting at a distance, drinking and watching the kids. It was almost as if he didn’t care whether I lived or died. That moment was when I made up my mind to leave that marriage.
The separation
In July 2023, I asked if I could take the kids to the East for the long vacation. I told him we’d return to Kaduna afterward, but deep inside, I knew it was my way of finally saying goodbye for good.
After the holiday, he called and asked why I hadn’t brought the kids back to start school. That’s when I told him we have left for good. He was in shock and said he wouldn’t send a penny for child support.
My ex has asked for reconciliation but I refused. I know the kind of pain I was in, and I don’t believe he’s changed
But despite everything, God has provided for us. I came back and started a business, and while it’s growing slowly, it’s been a blessing. We may not have a lot of money, but we have peace, which is more important.
My ex has asked for reconciliation but I refused. I know the kind of pain I was in, and I don’t believe he’s changed. When he asked to take the kids, they also told him that they wanted to stay with me.
Life as a single mother
Life as a single mother is undoubtedly challenging, but I’d rather walk this path than become just another statistics of women killed by their spouses. To all the women out there who might be facing similar struggles, it’s easy to lose sight of your worth when you’re stuck in a relationship that breaks you down, but please know this—no one deserves to be mistreated. You have the right to choose peace, to choose yourself, and to create a life where you can breathe freely again.
Take that first step, even if it feels uncertain. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t survive without them. You are capable of far more than you realize. Better days will come, and you deserve to be loved, respected, and live a life filled with peace and joy. Keep going. You are worth it.
