Someone says that “Marriage is a place where the only constant is the unpredictability of your partner’s next move.” And that is the exact experience of 72-year-old infecund Magdalene, as shared by VERA WINNS and SONIA OKERE
Mrs. Magdalene Ekere was born in Akpabuyo-Odukpani, Cross River State, in the late 1950s. She was the only daughter among five children. Her father, a civil servant, and her mother, a businesswoman, ensured her needs were met.
Her father held great dreams for her and wished to send her abroad for education. However, being the only daughter, her mother harbored concerns about her living far from home. After completing her secondary school education at the Standard School of Commerce, Oron, she secured a position as a Stenographer [a person whose job is to transcribe speech in shorthand] at the National Sports Council in Calabar.
While working there, she met a man at a tournament held at the stadium. They fell in love and got married after only six months. Magdalene was then transferred to Lagos State, where her husband lived.
Battle against childlessness
Magdalene and her husband were married for more than 40 years. Throughout their journey together, they have experienced many joys and blessings, but their greatest desire has always been to have a child of their own.
When I got married, I never thought I would be among those women without children. The first few years were really hard. I tried herbal and medical treatments, but I couldn’t get pregnant
“When I got married, I never thought I would be among those women without children. The first few years were really hard. I tried herbal and medical treatments, but I couldn’t get pregnant. Then, in the 1970s, I finally got pregnant and was so happy! But sadly, I lost the baby. I had three miscarriages and it broke my heart.
“Even though I kept hoping to get pregnant again, it just didn’t happen. We went to see the best doctors, and they said there was nothing wrong with us. My womb was fine, but we didn’t understand why the babies couldn’t survive.
“I was mocked and called all kinds of names. Every time I saw the children of my friends, tears would stream down my face. We have a two-storey building in Lagos, but living there feels incredibly lonely.
Sometimes, I would imagine my kids playing around the property, but then, reality would hit, and a wave of sadness would wash over me. There were moments when I fell into deep depression and even contemplated ending my own life for being childless.
My in-laws accused me of bewitching my husband to remain in a childless marriage. However, he stood by me, and it was his unwavering support that kept me going on.
I finally got pregnant and was so happy! But I lost the baby. I had three miscarriages and it broke my heart. I kept hoping to get pregnant again, it just didn’t happen
Exploring alternative paths
After waiting for a child for more than 20 years, Magdalene felt like there was no hope left. She suggested adopting children, but her husband didn’t agree and promised to love her, no matter what. She tried to convince him for many years, but he didn’t change his mind. So, she came up with a new idea.
“I’m 72 years old now, and my husband is 75. Many years ago, when we were young, I wanted to find a second wife for him from my village. I wanted to choose a good and respectful girl, but he said ‘No.’ He always told me not to worry, that God would answer our prayers. Even when I reached menopause, I still suggested other ways to have a child, but he said ‘No.’
“After over 40 years of marriage, last year November, he went to his village and got married to a 24-year-old girl. Honestly, I don’t have a problem with his decision, but I’m angry that he didn’t tell me about it. He just brought the girl home and told me to move out of the bedroom we shared together. After I moved to another room, the new wife moved into the master’s bedroom.
“I don’t know if she can still get pregnant, considering my husband’s age; or if she already is. I would be happy if we have a baby in the family, but I’m scared of being kicked out of the house we built together.
We went to see the best doctors, and they said there was nothing wrong with us. My womb was fine, but we didn’t understand why the babies couldn’t survive
“Since last year that the girl came in, they have been treating me badly, both directly and indirectly. I’m retired now and can’t afford much. Also, if I lose my home, I don’t know how to start my life again. I have reported this issue to the authorities, hoping they can help us sort things out peacefully.”
In her final words of advice, Magdalene urged women experiencing childlessness to not repeat the mistake she did. She believes that if she had insisted on adopting a child, she would have had grown-up children to support her now.
She also emphasized that children have the potential to bring immense happiness, companionship, and fulfillment, regardless of biological ties.
After over 40 years of marriage, my husband went to his village and got married to a 24-year-old girl. he brought the girl home and ordered me to move out of the bedroom we shared together
