An American missionary married to a Nigerian woman has disclosed why he paid the bride price to his mother in-law, rather than to his wife’s dad or any other living male relation as tradition demands.
Blessing, a Nigerian, and Jake, an American, opened up about their extraordinary journey to matrimony, defying cultural expectations and family resistance in an interview on Femi Lazarus’s YouTube programme, Stories, on Sunday.
The couple shared how they got married in Nigeria without any family members present, navigating obstacles with unwavering faith.
Blessing’s childhood was fraught with trauma, living under the strict and harsh care of her stepmother. She described her upbringing as a time of fear and suppression.
“I grew up in a very strict environment,” she said. My dad does not smile; he does not say, ‘How are you?’ If he’s coming back from work, we would pretend to be asleep because your presence alone would get you in trouble.”
Blessing recounted a particularly traumatic incident at age five when her stepmother beat her severely, causing her to lose consciousness for three days.
“She beat me and hit my head against the wall… when I woke up, I was in the hospital on oxygen,” she recalled.
The experience left permanent marks on her forehead, serving as a constant reminder of her difficult past.
Jake, who was a missionary at the time, met Blessing through a Christian discipleship program.
Despite never having been attracted to Black women before, he felt a strong, immediate conviction.
“The first time I saw my wife on Instagram, I knew it was my wife,” he said, adding that he had never messaged a woman online before.
Their relationship developed over five months of long-distance communication, primarily through phone calls and video chats, during which they discussed their faith and life experiences.
The couple faced significant opposition from Blessing’s family when they announced their wedding plans.
Her relatives expressed doubts and fears about Jake’s intentions, with some even spreading rumours.
“My mom started telling people that I was marrying an organ harvester, that he was coming to Nigeria to harvest my organs,” Blessing disclosed.
She recalled her brother’s warnings not to let Jake visit Nigeria, fearing that he would be kidnapped.
“There was just so much opposition from different sides, and I felt like I was under an attack,” she said.
The situation escalated to the point where Blessing’s health was affected, as she found herself falling sick frequently.
Jake was also confronted with the challenge of adhering to traditional Nigerian customs, which eventually led them to decide against a traditional ceremony.
“The Lord was saying we should not do the traditional wedding,” Blessing explained, noting that Jake was hesitant to proceed with practices he didn’t feel led by God to follow.
In the end, they opted for a small church wedding attended by fewer than 20 guests, foregoing a reception.
“We planned our wedding without seeing… after two weeks when he came to Nigeria, we got married.”
She explained further, “We just did court and church joining. The Lord was saying we should not do the traditional wedding.”
“I knew this was confirmation from God,” she said, recalling how the decision aligned with a divine message she had received about keeping things simple.
Jake paid the bride price to Blessing’s mother rather than her estranged father, whom Blessing had not spoken to in over a decade.
“I wasn’t going to pay bride price to a father that hasn’t taken care of his daughter for 13 years,” Jake explained.
The couple converted the traditional monetary exchange into a gift, following the advice of their marriage counsellor.
Despite the challenges, both Blessing and Jake believe their union is part of a greater purpose.
Reflecting on their journey, Blessing said, “God told me that He was going to connect two countries through me. This marriage is not just about us; it is a purpose.”
Jake shared similar sentiments, recounting how he had experienced divine visions and confirmation about their relationship.
“The Lord asked me, ‘Can I trust you with my daughter?’ It was the most fearsome experience of my life,” he recalled.
For Blessing, the journey has been one of healing. “Growing up, I always felt like nobody loved me, like I was a problem,” she admitted. “But the love of God, coupled with my husband’s love, has really been great for me.”
As the couple continues their new life together in Abuja, they remain confident in their calling and the divine purpose that brought them together.
