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Youngsters from broken homes are usually aggressive, unhappy, bullies -Marriage counsellor

Some Nigerians have expressed worries at the rampant cases of broken homes and the effects on the society. They are concerned that the current economic hardship may increase divorce and separation in the country.

The respondents spoke with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Lagos. One of such, a mother and an educator, Dr. Jumoke Aina, told NAN that broken homes often result from divorce, separation and abandonment. According to her, these situations can be triggered by marital conflicts, infidelity, financial difficulties, substance abuse, domestic violence and incompatibility between partners.

Aina said the consequences of marriage breakups on the children include emotional distress, academic failure and behavioural problems; adding that people from broken homes haveincreased risks of juvenile delinquency, crime and substance abuse.

Aina said that broken homes could be avoided or minimised through provision of access to professional counselling, which could assist couples to resolve conflicts and improve communication.

Also speaking, Prof. Folasade Alade, a specialist in family sex and marital counselling,  attributed marriage breakups to financial challenges, lack of communication, infidelity, incompatibility and in-law interferences.

Alade said that the psychological and emotional impacts of divorce or separation on children include low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and aggression.

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“As a lecturer, I easily recognise anyone from broken home in the school because they are aggressive, not always happy, and they are bullies. It really has negative effects on the society, especially on our citadel of learning. They mix with the good ones and they corrupt some of them, ” she said.

Alade said that broken homes could be prevented with tolerance and patience in marriage.

“Since the two people who are joined together in marriage come from different backgrounds, a significant amount of patience and tolerance is needed to prevent broken home,” she said.

Dr. Abimbola Oladotun, Founder, Happily Ever After Counselling, a non-governmental organisation, told NAN that divorce is “a disease that should be denied entrance into one’s marital life.”

According to her, divorce eats up the bodies, hearts and souls of those affected; adding that hardness of heart among partners is a major cause of broken marriages.

“As humans, couples would hurt each other in different ways, intensities and frequencies; but if they would practise ‘advance forgiveness’, that way, each partner can decide to forgive the wrong his/her spouse is yet to commit, ” she said.

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According to her, divorce makes some children to become miscreants, while the concept of ‘leaving and cleaving’ would help to reduce divorce and separation.

“Most couples go into marriage not leaving their past, mistakes, fears, and wrong assumptions of the other gender, and they begin to play out in little things,” she said.

A lawyer and human rights activist, Mr. Kabir Akingbolu, said that many present-day marriages are too casually prepared for and arranged, leaving the couples not truly knowing each other.

“A broken home, often times, produces irresponsible and pspsychologically-imbalanced children. These children lack patience and it leads to vices such as stealing or robbery.

“By addressing the causes and implementing supportive measures, the negative impacts of broken homes on the society can be reduced, fostering a healthier and a more stable community,” he said. (NAN)

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