When it comes to intimacy — or lack of it — in a relationship, many things can be responsible, according to relationship expert Desiree Jackson.
Check out the followinh reasons:
Sulking when you don’t get sex
Even if you’re suffering in a truly sexless marriage, it’s a huge turn off if you pout, get angry, or otherwise react badly when she turns your advances down. It may be hurtful and even embarrassing, but your partner always has the right to say “no” to sex. If it happens all the time, then it’s a real problem that the two of you need to lovingly deal with … together.
If it’s only an occasional occurrence that she’s “not in the mood”, then making her feel bad will only breed resentment towards you. And nothing kills attraction like resentment. And, besides, do you really want her to have sex with you out of guilt?
Letting yourself go
While it’s commonly accepted that men are the visual creatures, women also desire physical attractiveness in their partners. While it is unfair to expect anybody’s body to remain unchanged throughout the years, making an effort to maintain your appearance is a signal to your wife that she’s worth making an effort for.
Guard against bad breath, body odor, scratchy face, beer belly, and worn out, dumpy clothes.
Randomly groping her body
While husbands say that men would love it if their wives spontaneously grabbed their junk, most women do NOT feel the same way. Being groped every time they walk by, as if “a butt” or “boobs” is all they are does not endear women to men (nor wives to their husbands). Neither does touching them only when you desire sex.
Instead, try offering physical affection with no strings attached. It actually increases intimacy when the time is right for married sex. And yes, women can tell the difference between the two.
Limited or no foreplay
Women and men feel desire differently. It’s often hard for a woman to feel sexual desire when she is not feeling loved, acknowledged, and appreciated. Wherever a woman’s mind is, her body is going to follow.
While, true, she also has a role in being open to intimacy, you can do a lot to help her get there. Doing the dishes or making lunches can make a huge difference in her desire for you. As does anything that brings a bit of ease to her world. Approaches like “Wooga, wooga baby, wanna get lucky?” — not so much!
Not learning what pleases her unique body
Just as all men aren’t built the same, neither are women. What worked with a previous partner may not work (at all) with your wife. (This also applies to what’s portrayed in adult fims, as well). In addition, her ever-changing hormones can make a huge difference in her interest and enjoyment of sex. True intimacy, and great sex, happen when you’re both enjoying yourself.
This means really focusing on what arouses and satisfies her. That said, mechanically going through the “routine” each and every time, so you can get to your climax is neither generous nor emotionally fulfilling for her. It’s also important to remember that she may need physical arousal before she can feel desire. So, expecting your wife to initiate intimacy can lead to frustration for the both of you.
Adapted from Your Tango