Just like Mack McCormack titled his bestseller What they don’t teach you at Harvard Business School, I guess there are some kitchen rules that even the best culinary schools in the world don’t have on their course outline.
Some of these rules may sound unconventional and ridiculous but, just as they say; sometimes there is always sense even in nonsense.
Oh, wait! Did I say “sometimes”? I think it should even be “all the time’ because last I checked, you can’t even write ‘Nonsense” without spelling “Sense”.
Mark McCormack’s book costs about $20 on kindle, but don’t you worry, I won’t be charging you a kobo for these hilarious kitchen-smart compilations I’ve brought to you from social media.
Never fry plantain before rice or beans is done
Rice or beans and dodo – fried plantain – is a popular delicacy in this part of the world and we all have people close to us who will spend their last penny or even lose their home training to eat it for the third time in a day.
However, one of the biggest mistakes one can do whilst preparing this meal is to fry the plantain before boiling the rice or beans as you’ll nearly always end up nibbling at the plantain, one after the other until there’s none left.
So, to avoid depriving yourself of that fulfillment of having your dodo lining up alongside your rice or beans plate, make sure the rice or beans is ready before putting that oil on the fire.
Zee world can wait
Channel number 25 and 166 on Gotv and DSTV respectively, this Bollywood station is the Top 3 most addictive Tv station for most Nigerian women and it won’t be number 2 or 3.
Word on the street is that this station is the actual culprit behind most burnt houses and certificates in Nigeria. So, if you don’t want to have to go through the trouble of swearing multiple affidavits to get your hard-earned credentials back or rewriting WAEC with a hoary head, never mix Zee world and cooking together.
Washing your fingers in the soup after crushing that seasoning cube is a no!
Only kitchen legends would know about this. This is a cooking habit we pick unconsciously while watching our older one do the kitchen business and before we know it, we become stuck with it ourselves.
Doesn’t matter how many cubes of seasoning a typical Nigerian use in cooking, he or she would still surely end up washing those fingers into the cooking pot after crushing the seasoning cube, dirt, sweat, germs, and all.
I guess those are the unsung heroes that make the delicacy eh?
Keep the cooking temple holy!!
Errrmmm…. I know you are probably rolling your eyes reading this right now but yes! It made the list too. And before you start hauling projectiles at me, I didn’t make the rule. I’m only a messenger doing the ‘lord’s work’.
This typical honeymoon behavior nearly always never ends well. You either end up eating a burnt meal or going through the trouble of cooking all over again. So, if you don’t wanna risk losing that meal, the ‘kitchen legends’ advise restricting bedmatics to the room where it belongs.
Never lift pot from the stove with bare hands!
African mothers are underrated. The ease with which they lift cooking pots off the fire with bare hands should be up there with the amazing acts that marvel superpower characters perform. But, just as they do say in Wrestlemania ‘don’t try this at home!’. You need to have first unlocked Thanos – level cooking skills to be able to pull a stunt like that off.
So, to avoid ‘stories that touch” ensure you have a clean napkin close by while you cook.
Let sleeping roaches lie
Cockroaches are easily the most annoying insect ever. They make a guest of themselves just where they are unwanted and would put the fear of God, even, in the bravest of humans when they spread those wings and wheeze across the room.
However, no matter much they might get on your nerves, always resist the urge to spray an insecticide at them while cooking in the kitchen as the content of most insecticides is highly flammable. So, to avoid fire hazards, let a sleeping dog lie or deploy other methods in carrying out your business.
Never fry your meat or fish with a fork
We round up the compilation with this important rule. This might sound strange but believe me, this is one you would wanna hold on to, as a newbie in the kitchen.
Kitchen experts are familiar with the struggle that comes with dealing with the sporadic pops that come up when you have your meat or fish in hot cooking oil. The stings from the stray bullets on your skin can be painful and sometimes you can swear that your eyeball was saved by the whiskers.
To be on the safer side, it is best to use a long cooking prong to be able to able to afford some safe distance away from the fire.
And that’s it; seven of the best kitchen lessons you will never get even in the four walls of the best culinary schools in the world. We scoured the entire internet space to bring it to you, all at no cost.
If you count yourself a “kitchen legend” also and can relate to any of the rules above, please drop a comment below. Or, perhaps there are a couple of them you are at variance with; we’ll surely love to know too. If you think some rules should have made the cut too but are missing, please feel free to add them in the comment section.